I have sat here for days and typed and deleted, typed and deleted and typed and deleted this blog. The reason being I would start out fairly southern, but sure enough 1/2 through it my northern side would rear it's ugly head and crap, obviously not calm enough to write this.
So hopefully with this try over a week later I'll be able to sit and write everything I need to say. Now remember as always these are my opinions and I have the right to them. You have the right to like them or not like them. If you are of a mind you have the right to not read my blog and get bent. I have decided that I'm 32 years old and truthfully sick of all the crap that is still going on 14 years after high school ended. I get that everyone (and I mean everyone) has drama in their lives, but when you cause most of your own drama I have no sympathy. I am probably going to piss people off and I might even lose some friendships but if you can't handle my opinion of things than obviously we weren't friends to begin with. I AM NOT POINTING FINGERS at anyone I'm just stating things I see and it's a combination of years and years of frustration over some things. I will also limit the names I do use for I know they will not care that I've used them, but if I have not used a name, please respect the fact that I haven't used a name and don't mention any names. If you do, I will DELETE the comment.
For the record I am not perfect, hell I'm probably the farthest thing from it so don't think that with this blog I am saying I am perfect and everyone else is not. Let me explain things so everyone knows what is going on in this household, that way no one can say I'm passing judgement from my perfect palace.
Just because I don't talk about it or post it on facebook all the time doesn't mean I don't have my bad days. Since the twins came along I have struggled with a small bout of depression. I've never experienced this before and at first didn't understand what was going on. It took until just 4 or 5 months ago for me to come to terms with what is going on. Because we make a hair too much money for state assistance in insurance, but not enough to actually get insurance any other way, I am without it. So instead of borrowing money from my parents to go to the doctor, my fabulous husband and our friend Jacob, have taken on the brunt of my frustrations. They have held me up and held me tight through horrible crying fits that I thought I would surely break into a million pieces from. Remember please I am a strong person and for me this is unacceptable. I do everything I can to not have these in front of our children, because I do not want them to be effected by this in any way. I know that at least my oldest understand that I am going through something, but I do not think the little ones have a clue. I hope they don't anyways, please let me have my delusions. Now, where it has effected my children is the fact that I did not want to go anywhere and I did not want to do anything. I wanted to sit here and be in my own little bubble. The problem with this is that means I have no face to face time with adults. So I am with just my children all day every day. As most of you especially stay at home moms know, our job is 24/7 and is 365 days a year. There is no sick time, no vacations. So in combination with being depressed, slowly I was going insane too I think. Again all this was happening and I didn't understand it until about 4-5 months ago. Never in all that time did I think about ending my life or that of my children. I just wanted to scream and cry and be held by the people who love me most.
Now that we/I understand what I am going through we have been working to get me better and all this without the help of meds and doctors. (NOT BASHING ANYONE WHO IS ON MEDS OR GOES TO THE DOCTOR) Hopefully this will help you understand why I don't have the time or energy to deal with some of the crap I read, heard and seen on a daily bases.
So let us begin with my Soapbox:
1. If you complain there is never enough money and either you or your spouse or you and your spouse don't work (and there is no legitimate medical or mental reason for not working) get off your lazy ass and find a freaking job. I'm sorry it might not be your "DREAM" job, but GOOD LORD it's a damn job. So you are flipping burgers or working behind a counter at a gas station you are providing for yourself or your family. Get over yourself. When you have a family to feed and provide for NOTHING should be beneath you. So what if you have to work 2-3 jobs. You choose to have a family no get off your ass and provide for them. At the moment Daniel is not working his butt off at both jobs, but we've noticed that it looks like we need some income coming in from that 2nd job. So he will go back to working 45 hours or more at job 1 and than go to job 2 and work 20-40 hours there. Meaning we at the house wont see him. I'll be back to putting everyone to bed by myself most nights and doing shower time with just my oldest and I. It's gonna be tough, but we can do it. We will make it through this like we have everything else in life. Does Daniel want to do this, no. He enjoys spending time with his family, but he UNDERSTANDS what it means to take care of his family.
2. If you complain there is never enough money, but you are constantly going out or buying new things I have NO SYMPATHY for you. Ever once in a while splurging is one thing, but when you are going out 3-5 times a week or every weekend there is an issue. If you buy something that is wanted but not needed at that time and than don't have money for your bills, there is an issue. Again the every once in awhile splurging is different. If you don't have the money to put gas in your car at the end of the week, but you have been out and about ever day doing nothing but being out of the house, NO SYMPATHY. We grounded the van for a full week and a half and I went no where I didn't absolutely have to go because we knew we weren't gonna have the extra cash.
3. I'm not sorry for my opinion on this one, but sorry it may hurt feelings. If you put your schooling before you providing for your family. What I mean by this, is instead of working to provide for your family and doing school around that to better yourself. When because you are going to school full time the only income you are getting is from your loans and state assistance and you don't have enough money to feed your children, or pay your light bill or rent and you complain about it, I have NO SYMPATHY. I understand the need to better yourself, so you can provide better for your children. BUT, that should never come before making sure they are feed and provided for.
4. My oldest father is not in the picture, he lives in a different state and has had no face to face contact with him since he was 6 weeks old, no phone contact with him since he was 3-4 years old and no email/facebook/myspace, snail mail contact since he was probably 5 years old. No birthday or Christmas cards or presents since 3-4. Some months child support comes in, some months it doesn't. I don't ever count on that money though, because the minute I do I stop getting it. I try to spend 25% on things my oldest wants. The rest I use to help pay bills for the house or with sport activities. I have no need for my ex husband and I am sure he feels the same about me, but I NEVER BASH HIM in front of or around or where my oldest might see it. All it does is make you look like an idiot later in life. If your other parent is a first class loser, let your children find out on their own and just be there for them. Also never assume you know all the facts going on in your ex's life. They are an ex for a reason and your probably aren't involved in all the information.
5. If you have a parent (dad or mom) that wants to be involved in the kids life, unless there is a damn good reason let them be. No offense women, you have a dad that is willing to pay child support and willing to split custody and WANTS to spend time with their child(ren) why would you not let them? All that will cause if for your child later in life to realize that it is you that wouldn't let them go see their dad. Vice verse for Dad's with a mom (Though it's not nearly as common).
6. If you keep popping kids out and you can't afford or handle the ones you currently have, NO SYMPATHY! Get over yourselves. There are families out there that want children and can afford them, but can't have them. Here you are, 1,2,5,10 children later, living (not assisted) off the state and you can't figure out what causes it. USE A DAMN CONDOM OR GET SOME BIRTH CONTROL! Better yet get FIXED! After we had our 2nd child we decided Daniel would get fixed. Well the money was never there and I didn't know you could get help through the health clinic if you qualified for it. We decided that our income tax of 2011 would be used to make that happen. Well the big man upstairs decided that we weren't done and blessed us with our youngest two, the twins. Let me tell you something at 5 months pregnant Daniel went and snip snip we weren't having any more children. But I'd rather be safe than sorry so I went and had myself done also. If we get pregnant now there better a star in the sky and three wise men with lots of gold headed my way. NOW.... that being said, we currently have a friend who went in and did the same thing I did and hers didn't take. That is a different situation. I get some religions don't believe in Birth control of any type, well than understand that I hope the state stops helping you. I know that may be cruel, but up until our 2nd child I worked 40-60 hours a week and paid my taxes and did all that junk, I don't want to pay for you to sit on your butt because you have to many children and can't afford daycare now. I don't care what age you are either. If you can't afford or handle your current children, may you should think about getting fixed. Just saying.
7. Now to all you people that LIVE OFF OUR SYSTEM (if it isn't a valid reason) I'd like to smack the hell out of you! The system is there to help people. Now partially I blame the government because they've let it get this far. But mostly I blame the people that are to damn lazy to work. Please understand that we have/do and might have to again in the near future get food stamps and WIC and medicaid for the kids. But remember Daniel works 50-90 hours a week and we are still in need of assistance. There is the difference. I hope that they go to drug testing. I think it would do a lot of good. 90% of the work force has to pee in a cup to get a job, than we should have to pee in a cup to get the assistance. It should be completely random and it should be done while on assistance too. Just because you passed the one at application, doesn't mean anything. They should randomly call you and say you need to be here by 2pm today and if you don't show we suspend your assistance. Hello if you aren't working than you should be able to find your way up there to do this. Hello it's called a bus if you have no car.
8. I hate election years and especially this year. MY PERSONAL OPINION we are damned either way. I haven't decided if I'm gonna vote or not. I understand we have had many many men and women who have died to give me that right, but I also have the right to not vote. If I don't vote, THAN I HAVE NO RIGHT TO BITCH LATER! That goes for anyone. If you don't vote, don't bitch! If you are unable to vote because you are a felon still your fault don't bitch!
9. I have my own religious beliefs and the Big Man Upstairs and I talk on a pretty good basis. Just because I do not see something the same way you do doesn't mean I am wrong. Everyone comes away with what the Big Man wants them too. We could each read a Bible verse and God could work in 2 different ways to explain it to us, depending on what we have going on in our lives. Personally I think there is ONE GOD up there and everyone just worships him in different ways. If you don't believe in him at all, remember you still believe in that and that's something. I've heard two things lately that made me pause and I hope they make you pause too...
A. If your right and I'm wrong than I just believed something whole heartily and no harm no fowl. But, if I'm right and your wrong you burn in what ever eternal hell will happen.
B. To fight the whole if you can't see, touch or smell it, it isn't real. Can you touch your brain? Can you see your brain (machine seen doesn't count)? Can you smell it? Truthfully can you feel it? NO you can't. So does that mean it's not there? Family members that are overseas fighting for our country that we can't see, touch, sometimes hear... are they not real than? Food for thought. I'm not gonna get to much into this.
Just remember the Bible was written by man and while God is perfect Man is not. So who is to say that some of these things weren't written by a man on the rag having a bad week? Or the "Devil" had a hand on him. Lead a good life, help others and believe and personally I think you'll be fine. By a good life I don't mean perfect.
10. I try not to judge anyone without hearing their side first, but when all you do is moan and complain and whine about the WOE IS ME AND MY LIFE, I just don't have sympathy any more. If you aren't going to get off your butt and do something about it, don't complain about it.
Now that I have probably pissed some people off and made others wonder if they truly want to remain friends I'm going to close with this. If you are my friend than I want you to and I love each and everyone of you, but that doesn't mean I agree with all your bullshit and it doesn't mean I wont say things you aren't going to like. Remember I AM NOT PERFECT! I have done my fair share of things that I probably shouldn't have. But we learn from our mistakes. Sometimes it just takes more than one mistake. My blog may not be perfect and there are probably spelling errors and the wording might not be right, but there it is.
Be blessed all my friends and family in whatever you may do.
