Open Mouth Insert Foot

I decided to write this today instead of last night in hopes that not only my temper would have calmed down, but maybe just maybe my transplanted southern side would prevail and I would not write this as a pissed off northern. Unfortuntely this is a constant debt and struggle and truthfully I am just plain sick of it. I'm probably going to say things that may offend some or you and at this point I hope it does. Maybe if you are made uncomfortable enough you'll shut the Hell up about things you may or may not understand. And As I sit here typing this I realize that I actually have two soapboxes and will just combine them. So please bear with me, because y'all know how I jump from subject to subject sometimes.

If you have never had to decided between paying your power bill (and keeping your house warm for your family) or putting food on the table, you are never truly going to understand what it is like. If you've never had your child ask you why you are having Roman Noodles yet again (for the 5-6 night in a row for dinner) or I know someone that ate Pancakes sooo much as a child (because it's cheap and you can make a lot) that he will not eat them today. My husband doesn't really like chicken because they ate that almost every night because it was cheaper than any other meat. Yes I have been there a time or two. And while yes I know if it got too bad I could always call and beg and give my spline and my parents would bail me out yet again. But at some point in your life you really need to grow up and handle your own affairs. Now yes I do understand that there are some times circumstances that inable you for a while, but eventually you too must over come what ever obsticale that is and be responsible for your own self and family. I have a friend that God has tested and tested and tested and through it all she has never lost her Faith, that God would eventually provide for her and her family. I never understood that until I became a Christian and while it is hard to accept that, you just do.

As I said I'm gonna bounce subjects and for that I really ask you bear with me because they go hand in hand.

Everyone who really knows me knows that People who abuse the system Piss me off. But there are about 25% of the people who are one wellfare/foodstamps that have an actually need and are using it as a hand up and not a hand out. Also they have either paid into that already and have lost their income and are temporarily using it or as in my case you have a spouse who does work 50+ hours at one job and has a second job that goes from 10-40 hours a week depending on our need. Yes we have a lot of mouths to feed, but while they were fabulous blessing both Peanut and my Gemini were surprises. Specially my Gemini. It was hard enough with Daniel, Ethan and I when I lost my income (which was 1800 a month before taxes). Please recall if you knew me that I lost my job, found out I was pregnant with Peanut and we moved into a house (paying 300.00 more a month and just signed a year lease) all in the same weekend (Losing my job came last). We applied for just assistance with foodstamps and were told we made too much money for a family of 3. Daniel than lost his job in Jan of 2010. In Feb 2010 we were blessed with him finding not one, but two jobs (and I must say that they were helped along by other friends). Now I had been putting applications in, but no one wanted to hire someone that would need at least 6 wks off, if I came back. Daniel worked himself to death probividing for us. We had our house payment, a car payment, Ethan's school payment (because we wanted him to continue with a good Christian Education... remember I wasn't a Christian at the time) and all of our other bills. Daniel pulled 60 hrs a week at UAR in the beginning and than worked 40 hours at The Hut. So while yes we were making it, we never saw Daniel and as Peanut arrived I fell into the wonderful Deppression you sometimes get after having a baby. I felt overwhelmed and thought I couldn't do it. I had friends and family that I am enternally greatful for and couldn't have gotten through it without them, but it wasn't the same as being able to talk and share these experinces with Daniel. We applied yet again for Food stamps (please understand we were just asking for a little assistance not a lot) and we were denied because we were trying to hard. Thankfully because Peanut was Medcaid eligable we received WIC for the formula. Daniel did this for about a year when I finally put my foot down, cut our outside expenses to just about nothing and told him to slow down or he would have another heart attack and than what good would he be us. About this time is when we got married and 6 days later we found out we were pregnant yet again. Understand we had just talked about getting him fixed so we couldn't have any more children. We knew it was hard with what we had and that to have any more would mean state assistance and we didn't want to live off that. 2 wks later we found out we were not having one baby, but two. At this point I prayed harder and longer than I ever have before. This is where I found Christ and asked Jesus to come into my heart. I can't explain it and for those that have found Him understand. I knew that somehow everything was going to be okay and that we would find a way to make this work. I had my Gemini in July 2011. Now understand we've applied and been denied food stamps this whole time because we made $20-50 too much a month. Daniel's first instinct was to go back to working 100 hrs a week to provide for us. We decided to take Ethan out of Private school (his 2nd grade year) and that would save us some money. We also Vol. turned my car into the bank (1. because we couldn't make the payments & 2. we really needed a van). SO right there was 700.00 a month we wouldn't have to come up, so Daniel didn't need to work soooo much. Luckily enough we were able to get assistance at this time and for the next 6 months there was no fear of food on our table and for me there was no fear of Daniel having another heart attack because he was working to hard.

(For those of you who remember, at this time Daniel's dad went into the hospital. Bear collapised at home and was rushed to the hospital where he fell into a coma. This was June 25, 2011. The next even though I didn't want to be there I was baptized because I knew Bear would want it. I cried the whole time because I had been informed the Doctors said Bear would probably not make it through my baptism, but I was told by Daniel and Linda to stay there. Bear would want this. So I did and felt an instant calming. Thankfully God was mericiful and Bear is alive and well today. But my point with this is Daniel was not only running our household, but also running his parents household. Making sure all the bills got paid and that his mom took all her medicines and that we refilled them on time and such....almost a year later and my wonderful husband still handles most things for his parents so he is still running two homes)

Than we got a really nice commissions check right before our renewal and again we made 50.00 too much and we were denied again. We are now caught up to the present. Daniel is still working two jobs (because truthfully we can't afford daycare for me to work and there is no way I could work the graveyard and than watch the boys), we were very blessed and someone annomously paid Ethan's tutition this year and we didn't have to worry about it.

My whole point is that people need to watch what they say if they don't know all the circumstances of the situation.

Example: I was in line about a month ago at Wal*Mart and was using 9 WIC checks. 4 checks for formula for the MONTH (7 cans for each boy) 4 checks for baby food for the MONTH (16 7 ounce packages (there are 2 individual containers each package)... with my boys doesn't last long. They eat two packages of food at a feeding and we average 2-3 food feedings a day. So you figure that's 3 packages of food per boy a day and we only get 16 of them. You do the math). and the final check was Peanut's. Which includes 2 gallons of milk, 2 64 ounce juice, a block of cheese, a loaf of bread and some beans. The guy behind me, says "Damn people on welfare, get a F*cking job." I slowly turned around and said my husband has two of them, averaging 70-80 hours a week. We use this as a helping hand, not our only hand. The man looked like he swallowed an elelphant and apologized and left my lane. Not everyone is there for a hand out but needs a hand up. I know quite a few of our military family (you know those ones defending your rights to Bitch about them being on foodstamps/wellfare) that our on food stamps because their spouses do not make enough money.

There were statements made yesterday, that we as Americans over indulge and waste too much while there are countries that have nothing. Yes it is a needy cause to help out these countries, but there are serious needs right here in the USA. We have children here in the USA that go hungry and need help. Our veterans are treated horribly and need assistance. Our elderly.... I saw a man in Wal*Mart Wednesday night that bought 40 cans of cat food and a gallon of milk. That's not the first time I've seen that. Cat food is cheaper than regular food and cat food will give them the same nutriants they need. That is an issue. I'm not saying all elderly do that, but there are some. We as American's came from nothing and have built what we have. No we aren't perfect and yes there is a lot to improve on, but we deserve to over indulge once in a while. I agree we could be less wasteful and I try and do my part.

I know of many people that are going/are on missions trips to third world countries to bring the word of God and Christianity to the people there. That is a very noble cause and for the people that are on them or going on them, I truly hope that they've prayed about being there. I know at this moment God is not asking me to do this. I can't truly believe he would ask anyone with young children to go to countries where they could very well be arrested for talking about God. What would happen to the children at home who than grow up fatherless/motherless because of it? I just can't see God Calling me to leave my children and possible have them grow without me and resent the fact that I was doing God's work. Again these are all worthy causes, but there are plenty of places here in the USA that we could go to and do good there. Why is it every one I see sends us outside the USA. We talk about how we need to bring Christianity back to the USA that, that's what's wrong, but what are we doing about it. We are funding trips to 3rd world countries that most don't want us there, we can end up in prison for the rest of our lives or worse be put to death by some of the countries if found guilty by their court of law. Maybe we should look home and work on home and fix that before we try and fix every where else.

I think I've babbled long enough. As always if you don't like what I have to say don't read what I write. This is my blog and you do have to follow the link to get here.

I hope I've made people uncomfortable and made people think about things. Don't judge until you know the situation and lets look home before looking overseas.

May you all be blessed and let God's Will in/on your life be done.